Balancing my Yearning for Spontaneous Intimacy Whilst Pursuing a Meaningful Relationship
As a homosexual male in my late 40s, my life has involved many, largely pleasurable years pursuing casual sex with other men since the age of 19. In my 30s, I had a serious relationship which continued for four years, however it never fully satisfied me, in that I didn't experience love nor sexually nourished. The fact is that I have always craved casual sex. Whenever I begin to date any man, when the initial excitement dwindles, an impulse arises to be intimate with new partners again.
Questioning the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment
I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to sustain a faithful partnership. I understand that numerous homosexual males engage in open relationships, but when I’ve witnessed them, they appear like hard work, often causing significant pain and jealousy among all parties. To a large extent, I want a partner to love me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, however I fear the psychological toll this might create. Is it best to continue to have casual sex and accept that a long-term relationship is not possible? I’m feeling somewhat confused.
Every person’s sexual journey varies. Try not to think of your relationship needs or your capacity to handle different types of intimate connections in a finite way. What you need as you are experiencing them now could easily shift down the road; eventually you might become more decisive and find greater understanding and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. At some point you might meet a person who provides a transformative opportunity for you by reflecting your desires in a holistic fashion … and at another point you might decide that non-committal encounters suit you best. Worrying about the future and playing endless speculation is merely rooted in fear and squandering of your efforts. Aim to stay in the moment in your relationships, and see the worth of every individual you connect with intimately a sexual connection. If and when you are ever ready to deepen true intimacy with one partner, you will know.
- The psychotherapist is a US-based therapy professional who specialises in treating intimacy issues.
